http://xkcd.com/616/
It's pretty much like this.
Except now I have a credit card.
Granted, I've been using a debit/check card for ages now, so hopefully the habit of spending less then I earn will stick around, but we all know the horror stories.
It's a strange feeling, another small shock as a voice in my head says, "Yikes. I'm an adult now. When did this happen?" Or, at least, I am less of a child dependent on others and more dependent upon myself, my own good sense and reasoning.
http://theoatmeal.com/pl/senior_year/economics
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Kitchen gadget love
Well, I bit the bullet and got a mandoline. Oh. My. Gravy. Best twenty bucks I've ever spent!
So we don't usually do potato dishes around here, but now that I have a super slice-o-matic, believe you me I'll be making just about everything au gratin.
It begins with potatoes.
Of course I'm using potatoes--it's Passover and we have more than I know what to do with.
~snick snick snick~
A sharp blade is a wonderful thing. Much safer and easier to use than a dull one--don't let them fool you with cheap serrated blades. Those things from the dollar store may work for a little while, but eventually they rip and tear your food rather than slicing it neatly. Far better to spend the money on equipment that will last with good care.
Granted, the model I got was something very basic from a lower-end big box store (brought to you by the letter K), but there are 3 thinness settings and a nice plastic gripper to prevent you from flaying your hand on that last little bit of vegetable. In all, it works and I'm amazed. I sliced four spuds in about a minute, each as nice and thin as can be.
Refrigerator pickles are also on the list. Gosh. Home-made coleslaw and kimchee.
Bring it, summer. I'm ready.
So we don't usually do potato dishes around here, but now that I have a super slice-o-matic, believe you me I'll be making just about everything au gratin.
It begins with potatoes.
Of course I'm using potatoes--it's Passover and we have more than I know what to do with.
~snick snick snick~
A sharp blade is a wonderful thing. Much safer and easier to use than a dull one--don't let them fool you with cheap serrated blades. Those things from the dollar store may work for a little while, but eventually they rip and tear your food rather than slicing it neatly. Far better to spend the money on equipment that will last with good care.
Granted, the model I got was something very basic from a lower-end big box store (brought to you by the letter K), but there are 3 thinness settings and a nice plastic gripper to prevent you from flaying your hand on that last little bit of vegetable. In all, it works and I'm amazed. I sliced four spuds in about a minute, each as nice and thin as can be.
Refrigerator pickles are also on the list. Gosh. Home-made coleslaw and kimchee.
Bring it, summer. I'm ready.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
oh. my. wallet.
so I may have mentioned that my dude is Jewish. Well, it's that time of year again--clean out the fridge, toss anything leavened that'll go bad soon, and plan a week's worth of food.
Hi Passover.
I think so far this is the most we've spent on kosher-for-Passover food yet... that's what I get for wanting a pot roast. Yeah, it'll be dinner and at least a couple more lunches for the guy through the week, but any way you cut it, kosher meat is expensive.
The good news is multifold. Firstly, we already have a set of special cookware saved aside for this particular week of no leavened anything. I get paid soon. This only happens once a year. And I get to make all kinds of things that normally we don't have, like baked chicken, beef stir-fry, and the aforementioned pot roast. I don't think the guy has ever had pot roast. (Yes, his childhood was wanting in several departments.)
Addendum: it's not that we can't have these things during the rest of the year, it's that we eat milky most of the time and every so often have burgers or steak when we get a craving for meat. Fake meat works just as well for burritos or a quick sandwich, and it's cheaper.
For a more thorough explanation of kosher laws, check this out:
http://www.jewfaq.org/kashrut.htm
And Passover:
http://www.jewfaq.org/holidaya.htm
so I may have mentioned that my dude is Jewish. Well, it's that time of year again--clean out the fridge, toss anything leavened that'll go bad soon, and plan a week's worth of food.
Hi Passover.
I think so far this is the most we've spent on kosher-for-Passover food yet... that's what I get for wanting a pot roast. Yeah, it'll be dinner and at least a couple more lunches for the guy through the week, but any way you cut it, kosher meat is expensive.
The good news is multifold. Firstly, we already have a set of special cookware saved aside for this particular week of no leavened anything. I get paid soon. This only happens once a year. And I get to make all kinds of things that normally we don't have, like baked chicken, beef stir-fry, and the aforementioned pot roast. I don't think the guy has ever had pot roast. (Yes, his childhood was wanting in several departments.)
Addendum: it's not that we can't have these things during the rest of the year, it's that we eat milky most of the time and every so often have burgers or steak when we get a craving for meat. Fake meat works just as well for burritos or a quick sandwich, and it's cheaper.
For a more thorough explanation of kosher laws, check this out:
http://www.jewfaq.org/kashrut.htm
And Passover:
http://www.jewfaq.org/holidaya.htm
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
So I'm looking into a coven.
(does this sound weird to you? Typing about it certainly sounds weird to me.)
(says the former Episcopalian :P)
Anyway, thanks to the wonderful folks running WitchVox, and the fact that I live in Paganistan, there's loads to choose from in the Metro area. Here's hoping the group elder I've contacted and I can get our schedules clear for coffee soon!
In other news, the fiance and I are sick unto death of our current jobs--he much more so than I--and applications to new ones are in the works. I would love nothing more than to work somewhere wild, if I could; yet we must balance one to the other, and find new things that will work for us both.
He wants to get into gunsmithing, which normally isn't really a job-job (something you can make a living from) unless you get hired by a big company. In all honesty, I hope that's what happens, even though it's not entirely likely. Good thing there's a reputedly awesome school for it in Colorado, which has lots of awesome parks nearby for me to work in.
We just have to live through this autumn where we are, as father-in-law-to-be has surgery in October. I just hope fiance can find another gig locally before then so he doesn't go crazy.
Ding Ding Ding!
You just won a super-simple recipe! Get it here!
Swiss Chard, The Good Way
(also works for kale and other leafy greens)
Heat a big saute pan, and melt a generous pat of butter. Add a clove or three of freshly crushed garlic, stir to brown VERY gently.
As this is cooking, chop a big bunch of greens into strips, and chop those in half or thirds. (Use about three times as much raw greens as you think you need--they cook down a lot!)
Dump greens into pan, stir for a minute. Lower heat and place lid on pan, leave for a minute or three to steam. Stir greens, steam a couple minutes. Repeat until greens are done to your liking.
Eat hot!
Makes a great base for meat, fish, leftover taco filling, anything savory. Or add to pastas and casseroles as a side dish.
Seriously, I've eaten this for three days now. Sure beats taking a vitamin!
(does this sound weird to you? Typing about it certainly sounds weird to me.)
(says the former Episcopalian :P)
Anyway, thanks to the wonderful folks running WitchVox, and the fact that I live in Paganistan, there's loads to choose from in the Metro area. Here's hoping the group elder I've contacted and I can get our schedules clear for coffee soon!
In other news, the fiance and I are sick unto death of our current jobs--he much more so than I--and applications to new ones are in the works. I would love nothing more than to work somewhere wild, if I could; yet we must balance one to the other, and find new things that will work for us both.
He wants to get into gunsmithing, which normally isn't really a job-job (something you can make a living from) unless you get hired by a big company. In all honesty, I hope that's what happens, even though it's not entirely likely. Good thing there's a reputedly awesome school for it in Colorado, which has lots of awesome parks nearby for me to work in.
We just have to live through this autumn where we are, as father-in-law-to-be has surgery in October. I just hope fiance can find another gig locally before then so he doesn't go crazy.
Ding Ding Ding!
You just won a super-simple recipe! Get it here!
Swiss Chard, The Good Way
(also works for kale and other leafy greens)
Heat a big saute pan, and melt a generous pat of butter. Add a clove or three of freshly crushed garlic, stir to brown VERY gently.
As this is cooking, chop a big bunch of greens into strips, and chop those in half or thirds. (Use about three times as much raw greens as you think you need--they cook down a lot!)
Dump greens into pan, stir for a minute. Lower heat and place lid on pan, leave for a minute or three to steam. Stir greens, steam a couple minutes. Repeat until greens are done to your liking.
Eat hot!
Makes a great base for meat, fish, leftover taco filling, anything savory. Or add to pastas and casseroles as a side dish.
Seriously, I've eaten this for three days now. Sure beats taking a vitamin!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
here's the answer, what was the question again?
All my life there’s been this pull to forget everything human. I feel like if I don’t drop everything and wander into the wilderness and don’t look back I’ll have wasted my entire life, no matter what I do.
Yet the mundane realities of life, needing food and shelter and companionship, have kept me here so far. Needing to learn things and meet people and to love and be loved, yes, all are important. So is keeping my commitments—job, lover, pets, family, friends. But I’m sliding more and more, and it seems like when I do go crazy I’ll finally be at peace, because no one else will understand but that’s ok, I’ll just be gone and that’ll be it.
I have no plan. I just need to get out there and wander and see the world and just be, and somehow survive while I do it.
Why do I need to survive? Technically I’m doing it just fine as is—I have a solid home and way to support myself, I have a little bitty community to support me; we’re still not sure about the babies thing. In any case…
Why do I have to do it the old way? Why do I need to learn for myself how to stalk a turkey or deer and skin it and smoke the meat and make my own clothes and learn what to forage and what to avoid and how to hole up for the winter, to make snowshoes and thick fur everything to survive those nights far below zero. Why endure storms and heat when I can be comfortable inside?
Because it’s the right way to do it. It’s the way we always used to do it, and it was good enough. Now I obsess over things that don’t matter at all, like smartphones and what I’m wearing. How is how I look going to save my ass from a bear? Dear gravy am I wired strangely.
Or maybe not. I don’t know. I just know that I need to wander off into the wild and survive… and then somehow life will be better? I’ll finally know what the fuck I’m looking for? This came on before third grade too, before fourth grade and our Native American unit in class and reading Hatchet by Gary Paulsen. This was here, in my head, ever since I betrayed my first-grade friend because she was moving away anyway, what’s the point of sticking with someone who’s just going to be gone forever. I’ve always been lonely since then, I don’t even remember her name.
What crazy spirit bopped me on the head and said, “Tag you’re it”? Why did those pine woods just by our elementary school feel like the place where I should have stayed, and wandered into a forest that doesn’t exist anymore? Crows were always there, sandy soil and red pines and trails among the almost dunes in that far part.
I almost did it too. Slowly wandered away after school with a walking stick and then Dad finally saw me going down the sidewalk towards home because I thought I’d better pick the lock on the house so I can pack up what I’ll need to survive. I was very ashamed and couldn’t speak. No wonder I can’t leave now.
Of course I’m a good little human. Well-trained and well-bred, quiet mostly, tries to be the smart kid they tagged me for when I was little and out-reading everyone else (even the other kids in Junior Achievement lagged behind me, I still don’t understand why the teachers didn’t approve of me reading so fast and well if I was so good at it).
Seems I don’t stick with anything for long. Either I wasn’t trained enough in diligence or I just don’t have the knack for it, rather be out wandering and staring at pretty sunsets.
Maybe I’ll find somewhere to homestead, and we’ll have acres and acres to roam freely. I can go camping in my own backyard. I really doubt that though, it’s not the same. It would be a prettier sort of cage rather than the freedom to wander as I will.
how to fuck do I reconcile all this?
Yet the mundane realities of life, needing food and shelter and companionship, have kept me here so far. Needing to learn things and meet people and to love and be loved, yes, all are important. So is keeping my commitments—job, lover, pets, family, friends. But I’m sliding more and more, and it seems like when I do go crazy I’ll finally be at peace, because no one else will understand but that’s ok, I’ll just be gone and that’ll be it.
I have no plan. I just need to get out there and wander and see the world and just be, and somehow survive while I do it.
Why do I need to survive? Technically I’m doing it just fine as is—I have a solid home and way to support myself, I have a little bitty community to support me; we’re still not sure about the babies thing. In any case…
Why do I have to do it the old way? Why do I need to learn for myself how to stalk a turkey or deer and skin it and smoke the meat and make my own clothes and learn what to forage and what to avoid and how to hole up for the winter, to make snowshoes and thick fur everything to survive those nights far below zero. Why endure storms and heat when I can be comfortable inside?
Because it’s the right way to do it. It’s the way we always used to do it, and it was good enough. Now I obsess over things that don’t matter at all, like smartphones and what I’m wearing. How is how I look going to save my ass from a bear? Dear gravy am I wired strangely.
Or maybe not. I don’t know. I just know that I need to wander off into the wild and survive… and then somehow life will be better? I’ll finally know what the fuck I’m looking for? This came on before third grade too, before fourth grade and our Native American unit in class and reading Hatchet by Gary Paulsen. This was here, in my head, ever since I betrayed my first-grade friend because she was moving away anyway, what’s the point of sticking with someone who’s just going to be gone forever. I’ve always been lonely since then, I don’t even remember her name.
What crazy spirit bopped me on the head and said, “Tag you’re it”? Why did those pine woods just by our elementary school feel like the place where I should have stayed, and wandered into a forest that doesn’t exist anymore? Crows were always there, sandy soil and red pines and trails among the almost dunes in that far part.
I almost did it too. Slowly wandered away after school with a walking stick and then Dad finally saw me going down the sidewalk towards home because I thought I’d better pick the lock on the house so I can pack up what I’ll need to survive. I was very ashamed and couldn’t speak. No wonder I can’t leave now.
Of course I’m a good little human. Well-trained and well-bred, quiet mostly, tries to be the smart kid they tagged me for when I was little and out-reading everyone else (even the other kids in Junior Achievement lagged behind me, I still don’t understand why the teachers didn’t approve of me reading so fast and well if I was so good at it).
Seems I don’t stick with anything for long. Either I wasn’t trained enough in diligence or I just don’t have the knack for it, rather be out wandering and staring at pretty sunsets.
Maybe I’ll find somewhere to homestead, and we’ll have acres and acres to roam freely. I can go camping in my own backyard. I really doubt that though, it’s not the same. It would be a prettier sort of cage rather than the freedom to wander as I will.
how to fuck do I reconcile all this?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Quiet persistence
Blog, what blog? Hah.
No really, I finally have something to write about! ...strangely enough, it *wasn't* the fact that a certain Guy surprised me and I now rock a shiny, shiny ring on a regular basis. ;)
At the moment:
Said Guy is completely absorbed with repairs which aren't going so well, so the mood here is that quiet expectancy with a tinge of apprehension, just waiting for another curse to fly out from down the hall. Occasionally he'll rush in, grab a needed tool or consult the online tutorial, and head back to mutter and poke at his machinery some more. In short, he's busy and I'm bored. So it was back to my regular list of food blogs to see if anyone had updated recently--and one of them did.
I love Just Hungry and its sister site, Just Bento. I love Japanese food, I love the neat way things are arranged just so, I love learning about new cooking techniques and ingredients I can hardly pronounce.
About halfway down in today's most recent post in Just Bento, Maki shares with us the blog of a Japanese salaryman. Instead of painstakingly created charaben (showing, perhaps, an entire cast of Hello Kitty characters on a picnic) or the latest in haute bento cuisine, it's the simple tale told by one picture a day, every day, for seven years. Every day his wife makes him a bento for lunch. He takes a picture, writes down what's in his box that day, and that's it.
Seven years!
I can only hope that S. and I can have a connection like that. Part of me thinks that it's the kind of story you'd hear about a grandparent or great-aunt-somebody, with that quiet persistence you hardly notice until they're gone. I am glad there are still people out there who can do that. In a world that seems to get faster and more disjointed all the time, it's good to see that there are those of us who, day in and day out, do what we do, and it is enough.
No really, I finally have something to write about! ...strangely enough, it *wasn't* the fact that a certain Guy surprised me and I now rock a shiny, shiny ring on a regular basis. ;)
At the moment:
Said Guy is completely absorbed with repairs which aren't going so well, so the mood here is that quiet expectancy with a tinge of apprehension, just waiting for another curse to fly out from down the hall. Occasionally he'll rush in, grab a needed tool or consult the online tutorial, and head back to mutter and poke at his machinery some more. In short, he's busy and I'm bored. So it was back to my regular list of food blogs to see if anyone had updated recently--and one of them did.
I love Just Hungry and its sister site, Just Bento. I love Japanese food, I love the neat way things are arranged just so, I love learning about new cooking techniques and ingredients I can hardly pronounce.
About halfway down in today's most recent post in Just Bento, Maki shares with us the blog of a Japanese salaryman. Instead of painstakingly created charaben (showing, perhaps, an entire cast of Hello Kitty characters on a picnic) or the latest in haute bento cuisine, it's the simple tale told by one picture a day, every day, for seven years. Every day his wife makes him a bento for lunch. He takes a picture, writes down what's in his box that day, and that's it.
Seven years!
I can only hope that S. and I can have a connection like that. Part of me thinks that it's the kind of story you'd hear about a grandparent or great-aunt-somebody, with that quiet persistence you hardly notice until they're gone. I am glad there are still people out there who can do that. In a world that seems to get faster and more disjointed all the time, it's good to see that there are those of us who, day in and day out, do what we do, and it is enough.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
locked in a cage of my own making
I think all this big-city living is taking its toll.
Like my last post indicated, I'm at somewhat of a lull in life. Well, looking for a job is busy work enough, but after a young lifetime that centers around school and having been provided this structure, I'm floating a bit, getting used to life outside of this system.
Imbolc is a strange time of year. I mean, spring in general is just weird, what with the melting and refreezing and the mud and struggling for a hint of sunshine, but February is always a drag. Bright, and still ice cold and burning all at once. Yet this year I look forward to the holiday, for it means seeing my Protogrove again. It means getting out of a landscape dominated by buildings and car exhaust and roadside trees struggling to live ten years; my spiritual side needs resuscitation. Combined with *finally* having my room at my new apartment cleaned up and furnished enough to live in (and I moved in at the beginning of the month--ugh), things may hopefully settle into some kind of order.
I need to be outside more. Love him though I do I find it unfortunate that my boyfriend doesn't much care for outdoors activities, so that really hampers my ability to get away into the country or woods. Closest I get nowadays is when my Protogrove meets for a holiday, and even then it's inside during the cold months. I haven't been to the local foam-fighting practice these past few Sundays and I really wanted to today, but the guy who organizes them is out of town for the weekend.
sometimes I think I should just head out to some lonely place by a river with only a knife and some clothes and live that way for a summer. Forget this life dominated by bright screens and doors with locks, I need the sun.
though if I could, I'd bring my recorder. A little music would be nice, and I could practice all I'd like with no one to complain about the noise. I'd sing more too.
Like my last post indicated, I'm at somewhat of a lull in life. Well, looking for a job is busy work enough, but after a young lifetime that centers around school and having been provided this structure, I'm floating a bit, getting used to life outside of this system.
Imbolc is a strange time of year. I mean, spring in general is just weird, what with the melting and refreezing and the mud and struggling for a hint of sunshine, but February is always a drag. Bright, and still ice cold and burning all at once. Yet this year I look forward to the holiday, for it means seeing my Protogrove again. It means getting out of a landscape dominated by buildings and car exhaust and roadside trees struggling to live ten years; my spiritual side needs resuscitation. Combined with *finally* having my room at my new apartment cleaned up and furnished enough to live in (and I moved in at the beginning of the month--ugh), things may hopefully settle into some kind of order.
I need to be outside more. Love him though I do I find it unfortunate that my boyfriend doesn't much care for outdoors activities, so that really hampers my ability to get away into the country or woods. Closest I get nowadays is when my Protogrove meets for a holiday, and even then it's inside during the cold months. I haven't been to the local foam-fighting practice these past few Sundays and I really wanted to today, but the guy who organizes them is out of town for the weekend.
sometimes I think I should just head out to some lonely place by a river with only a knife and some clothes and live that way for a summer. Forget this life dominated by bright screens and doors with locks, I need the sun.
though if I could, I'd bring my recorder. A little music would be nice, and I could practice all I'd like with no one to complain about the noise. I'd sing more too.
Friday, January 7, 2011
life on hold?
Ever hear the one that goes "life is what happens when you're making other plans"? I think that's about the size of it.
In any case, I am supposedly graduated from college and have decided that graduate school is not the right direction for me at the moment. I'm full of uncertainties. Not sure what I would study, where I would go, how it would affect my nicely stable relationship, how I'd pay for it... so I'm working on getting a job and finishing the moving-in process at a new apartment.
Before all this I had a lovely week with my family doing the whole Christmas bit, and this time Mom was more understanding and just let my sister and I each bring a book to read during the long Christmas eve service; the which they made us go to under the guise of us doing them the favor of attending for politeness' sake. No thanks, still not Christian.
Seeing my extended family--both sides even!--was wonderful, as some of them I haven't seen for years. Sitting together and just being with them was enough to make me feel connected, a wonderful sense of belonging and togetherness.
Which reminds me: I still need to call my aunt and get together for lunch or something next week. It turns out that my friend's apartment which I recently moved into is just blocks away from my aunt! I've always like my Aunt K. She's independent, opinionated, and generous (to me anyway; she was my godmother after all) and I have fond memories of the little family vacations we took up to the Cities to go visit her. Going to the huge Science Museum, eating at restaurants serving food from faraway countries, seeing art museums and spending all day out in a huge park... we always had fun with my aunt. I'm glad to live so near someone in my family, especially since we've been rather distant lately.
Being a graduate is strange--I guess I'm not sure what life without classes would really be like. Really, you spend most of your life in school and then BAM. Whole new world.
In theory I was really looking forward to not having homework, but looking for a job is a job in and of itself! I hadn't thought that I'd have to write a new resume for every kind of job I apply for (not that I mind writing that much, just how long it takes because I get so picky), though it makes sense to tailor how I present myself to each company I want to impress. Plus, I've never had to write a resume for a customer service position before, and it's very different from the mostly science-y one I've been crafting for on-campus lab positions. The difficult part is tearing myself away from video games and fun with friends to sit down and do it :P
I guess I've also gotten lazy with anything resembling regular spiritual practice. Moving into a new apartment with not quite enough shelving to store all my crap means I haven't gotten a new altar set up yet, and I think I want to do something different than just the top of the dresser again. Having a whole new room to decorate as I please means I could do all kinds of things, like having little mini-shrines in different locations... ooh. Who knew writing about how I don't know what to do gives me ideas! ^^ though lacking a job means lacking funds to acquire said furniture/shelving/what have you. I guess I'll have to hurry up and get hired somewhere then.
In the meantime, I'll try again for regular meditation. No special materials required, and it's still something I haven't been able to do for more than a few months at most at a time.
In any case, I am supposedly graduated from college and have decided that graduate school is not the right direction for me at the moment. I'm full of uncertainties. Not sure what I would study, where I would go, how it would affect my nicely stable relationship, how I'd pay for it... so I'm working on getting a job and finishing the moving-in process at a new apartment.
Before all this I had a lovely week with my family doing the whole Christmas bit, and this time Mom was more understanding and just let my sister and I each bring a book to read during the long Christmas eve service; the which they made us go to under the guise of us doing them the favor of attending for politeness' sake. No thanks, still not Christian.
Seeing my extended family--both sides even!--was wonderful, as some of them I haven't seen for years. Sitting together and just being with them was enough to make me feel connected, a wonderful sense of belonging and togetherness.
Which reminds me: I still need to call my aunt and get together for lunch or something next week. It turns out that my friend's apartment which I recently moved into is just blocks away from my aunt! I've always like my Aunt K. She's independent, opinionated, and generous (to me anyway; she was my godmother after all) and I have fond memories of the little family vacations we took up to the Cities to go visit her. Going to the huge Science Museum, eating at restaurants serving food from faraway countries, seeing art museums and spending all day out in a huge park... we always had fun with my aunt. I'm glad to live so near someone in my family, especially since we've been rather distant lately.
Being a graduate is strange--I guess I'm not sure what life without classes would really be like. Really, you spend most of your life in school and then BAM. Whole new world.
In theory I was really looking forward to not having homework, but looking for a job is a job in and of itself! I hadn't thought that I'd have to write a new resume for every kind of job I apply for (not that I mind writing that much, just how long it takes because I get so picky), though it makes sense to tailor how I present myself to each company I want to impress. Plus, I've never had to write a resume for a customer service position before, and it's very different from the mostly science-y one I've been crafting for on-campus lab positions. The difficult part is tearing myself away from video games and fun with friends to sit down and do it :P
I guess I've also gotten lazy with anything resembling regular spiritual practice. Moving into a new apartment with not quite enough shelving to store all my crap means I haven't gotten a new altar set up yet, and I think I want to do something different than just the top of the dresser again. Having a whole new room to decorate as I please means I could do all kinds of things, like having little mini-shrines in different locations... ooh. Who knew writing about how I don't know what to do gives me ideas! ^^ though lacking a job means lacking funds to acquire said furniture/shelving/what have you. I guess I'll have to hurry up and get hired somewhere then.
In the meantime, I'll try again for regular meditation. No special materials required, and it's still something I haven't been able to do for more than a few months at most at a time.
Monday, December 20, 2010
studying overmuch
Some hallmarks of the wise one are books--and yet, if not literate, the gift of speech with strangers and animals. One can readily imagine an old man, long of beard and grey, with a lifetime's knowledge in that grizzled head, hunched over a book by candlelight, worn fingers slowly turning the fragile pages as he sips at a mug of hot tea, wisdom and words from days long past ready to be deciphered and renewed in thought.
Knowing. A combination of experience and intuition and slow, deliberate reasoning which can shed light on even a strange problem or idea, where it may have come from and how it came to be and what to do for any desired outcome.
Yet wisdom is not only for the old, for books on dusty shelves. There is the knowing that comes with doing, when your muscle memory takes over and your body uses its own wisdom to act when thought itself is too slow. There is that subtle communication that arises from seeing one's head turn just so (for were this not so, dance would have very little meaning indeed), or a creature move slowly or quickly, that little hitch in liquid birdsong that means danger approaches, flee! woods-wisdom, wild-knowing, that knowing without knowing. This too is wisdom.
Just as hours of deliberate thought and debate mark a man as learned, so an animal or man that can feel the change in weather knows what is to come, and survives.
Instinct is its own subtle voice.
Knowing. A combination of experience and intuition and slow, deliberate reasoning which can shed light on even a strange problem or idea, where it may have come from and how it came to be and what to do for any desired outcome.
Yet wisdom is not only for the old, for books on dusty shelves. There is the knowing that comes with doing, when your muscle memory takes over and your body uses its own wisdom to act when thought itself is too slow. There is that subtle communication that arises from seeing one's head turn just so (for were this not so, dance would have very little meaning indeed), or a creature move slowly or quickly, that little hitch in liquid birdsong that means danger approaches, flee! woods-wisdom, wild-knowing, that knowing without knowing. This too is wisdom.
Just as hours of deliberate thought and debate mark a man as learned, so an animal or man that can feel the change in weather knows what is to come, and survives.
Instinct is its own subtle voice.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
frozen.
I'm just glad I was able to put my car in the garage at my boyfriend's place before the big storm hit. We stayed inside all through the day, and took turns digging out the long driveway and some sidewalk.
What really touched me is the roving band armed with shovels who wandered up and down the street, helping their neighbors dig out cars and enough room in blocked driveways to get said cars off the street. People may joke about Minnesota Nice, but you don't survive long up here as a grouch. It's far nicer and easier to be polite and friendly when others need a hand and it's obvious you can help.
The next day, boy and I were walking to the bus stop and a couple with a baby in back were trying to get their little VW car out of a driveway. With the back wheels spinning in the snow, I called over to S., "Hey, we can help. Come back here!" Didn't take long to get them out and going. One, two, three, and push! I counted with my fingers as the lady looked out the back to see what we were up to--a push, car rocked back with enough momentum, and another push and gone! waving happily and on their way.
Snow aside, there are things more predictable than winter weather to worry for; a student in her last days of undergraduate education will soon be living in the library. Oh yes, ladies and germs--finals are here.
The good news is, I have one short paper to hand in for my career planning class tomorrow and that will be done. The rest is far less simple: a make-up exam *and* the final for Hydrology this week and then all my Biometeorology (dreaded stuff) is due next week. Cram cram cram.
(Say what you will, but there's nothing like a few days' frenzied studying to prepare for a big test. I will soon be spending all my remaining cash on coffee.)
Added to this is, of course, the job search. My time at the bee lab turned out to be shorter than I'd anticipated and now what little plans I had are all fumbly and trying to stay upright on an icy sidewalk. Hopefully I won't have to move back into my parent's house. They mean well, but I have too much up here to want to leave for an untold amount of time. All my job prospects so far are up here anyway...
I've learned that two feet of snow falling in one day can even take out the Metrodome.
I've learned that I cannot work well with someone who is so very, very type A and controlling that I feel like I can't so much as sneeze without reporting back about it.
I've learned that going down South for two holiday vacations in a row has messed with my expectations... next year we go again.
I've learned that maybe I can look forward to spring; mud and melting and messy changes aren't just a hassle, but signs of better times to come.
I've learned that for some reason, I really don't like writing cover letters.
~shrug~
What really touched me is the roving band armed with shovels who wandered up and down the street, helping their neighbors dig out cars and enough room in blocked driveways to get said cars off the street. People may joke about Minnesota Nice, but you don't survive long up here as a grouch. It's far nicer and easier to be polite and friendly when others need a hand and it's obvious you can help.
The next day, boy and I were walking to the bus stop and a couple with a baby in back were trying to get their little VW car out of a driveway. With the back wheels spinning in the snow, I called over to S., "Hey, we can help. Come back here!" Didn't take long to get them out and going. One, two, three, and push! I counted with my fingers as the lady looked out the back to see what we were up to--a push, car rocked back with enough momentum, and another push and gone! waving happily and on their way.
Snow aside, there are things more predictable than winter weather to worry for; a student in her last days of undergraduate education will soon be living in the library. Oh yes, ladies and germs--finals are here.
The good news is, I have one short paper to hand in for my career planning class tomorrow and that will be done. The rest is far less simple: a make-up exam *and* the final for Hydrology this week and then all my Biometeorology (dreaded stuff) is due next week. Cram cram cram.
(Say what you will, but there's nothing like a few days' frenzied studying to prepare for a big test. I will soon be spending all my remaining cash on coffee.)
Added to this is, of course, the job search. My time at the bee lab turned out to be shorter than I'd anticipated and now what little plans I had are all fumbly and trying to stay upright on an icy sidewalk. Hopefully I won't have to move back into my parent's house. They mean well, but I have too much up here to want to leave for an untold amount of time. All my job prospects so far are up here anyway...
I've learned that two feet of snow falling in one day can even take out the Metrodome.
I've learned that I cannot work well with someone who is so very, very type A and controlling that I feel like I can't so much as sneeze without reporting back about it.
I've learned that going down South for two holiday vacations in a row has messed with my expectations... next year we go again.
I've learned that maybe I can look forward to spring; mud and melting and messy changes aren't just a hassle, but signs of better times to come.
I've learned that for some reason, I really don't like writing cover letters.
~shrug~
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Cleaning up
Well, I've revisited the blog template, and I hope this is easier on the eyes. Much as I liked the dark transparent background, it was a little hard to see things sometimes. Also, new banner! ^^ I just hopped over to WikiCommons and found a nice photo to tweak a bit and share with you all. Let me know what you think of the new look.
Speaking of new things, there's nothing quite like sleeping on fresh bedsheets in a nicely made bed. I may be very casual about where things go around here, but I do like the blankets to be straight and the pillows fluffed and nice clean everything when I sleep.
Speaking of new things, there's nothing quite like sleeping on fresh bedsheets in a nicely made bed. I may be very casual about where things go around here, but I do like the blankets to be straight and the pillows fluffed and nice clean everything when I sleep.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
New mythology
Well, I'm not making much progress at the moment on the book I originally thought would be good material for a book review. For one, it's not particularly well-written, which makes reading a bit of a chore, and for another, it's the end of the semester. My biometeorology class is especially taxing; if I hadn't skipped so many hydrology classes to work on the labs for biomet., I'd be doing much better. As it is, I'm stuck playing catch-up for all my courses, which although doable is *not* my idea of a good time.
Anyway.
Despite all this, I'm still reading and looking to expand my knowledge about everything Pagan. Somehow I got introduced (very briefly, in passing almost) to Finnish Paganism--now I am reading the Kalevala. Huzzah for Wikisources having the first translation to English available to the public! If I'm really ambitious, I hope to read some more English translations after I read through the whole thing so I can get a better sense of what the Finnish really means, seeing as I don't know Finnish and any translation is bound to miss some aspect of meaning, no matter how slight.
Another path that I've read but little about is the Dianic approach to Wicca. There is an inner voice that says, "yeah, but... focusing on a matriarchy isn't going to fix whatever problems arose from this 'patriarchy' you vilify so much. We have to work *together* on this." On the other hand, I can see how it's perfectly right to point out the many hypocrisies that exist in out society and do everything you can to fight for equality. And if your personal path calls for some girl-only (or even, gasp, guy-only!) spirit-work, then by all means do it. But I digress--a discourse on modern feminism can be saved for another post.
So far the book is definitely written with an agenda in mind, and it's funny how it made it through so many printings with the same spell repeated three times...
well, writing a critique should definitely be interesting. If I can manage to write one for each book, that should cover some requirements for the DP, which I really want to get working on once I'm done with college. Finally, free time to write papers on things I'm actually interested in! :D
Anyway.
Despite all this, I'm still reading and looking to expand my knowledge about everything Pagan. Somehow I got introduced (very briefly, in passing almost) to Finnish Paganism--now I am reading the Kalevala. Huzzah for Wikisources having the first translation to English available to the public! If I'm really ambitious, I hope to read some more English translations after I read through the whole thing so I can get a better sense of what the Finnish really means, seeing as I don't know Finnish and any translation is bound to miss some aspect of meaning, no matter how slight.
Another path that I've read but little about is the Dianic approach to Wicca. There is an inner voice that says, "yeah, but... focusing on a matriarchy isn't going to fix whatever problems arose from this 'patriarchy' you vilify so much. We have to work *together* on this." On the other hand, I can see how it's perfectly right to point out the many hypocrisies that exist in out society and do everything you can to fight for equality. And if your personal path calls for some girl-only (or even, gasp, guy-only!) spirit-work, then by all means do it. But I digress--a discourse on modern feminism can be saved for another post.
So far the book is definitely written with an agenda in mind, and it's funny how it made it through so many printings with the same spell repeated three times...
well, writing a critique should definitely be interesting. If I can manage to write one for each book, that should cover some requirements for the DP, which I really want to get working on once I'm done with college. Finally, free time to write papers on things I'm actually interested in! :D
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Priorities
I never could get the hang of Tuesdays.
It's almost Thanksgiving, so I have a short week of classes and work, meaning that this time I would *not* skip out on Hydrology in favor of trying to get other things done, as has been the case so often this semester. (I'm looking at you, Biometeorology labs!)
For some reason, my boy and I woke up stupidly early and couldn't get back to sleep. There was also a radio playing somewhere in the house at that exact level where I could hear the song just enough to pay attention to it and stay awake. Unwillingly. So I woke up boy, we did something else for a while and then fell back into blessed slumber.
I was sure that catching the bus wouldn't be a problem. It generally isn't when the highway is so close and there are loads of buses going downtown.
Someone had something else in mind for me today.
Between two missed express buses (with much cursing) and a mechanical failure of the bus I did catch, I ended up walking towards the final bus stop on the way home with a blond lady who wore a light blue coat and a fluffy knitted pink hat. We ended up at the same bus stop, checked the time, and headed in to the local cafe for coffee to wait for the next one since this particular route runs every half-hour.
I tried a latte with flavored with white chocolate and almond today--I usually go for dark chocolate and roasty, caramely flavors. I think it suited today well.
R. and I ended up chatting once the bus finally came--she's a grad student at the U, working with bacteria that make oils and ester waxes, with a potential for biodiesel too. It sounds really interesting and seems to suit her biology and genetics background well.
What really got me was the rest of her story and how willing she seemed to help me out. I suppose we both go to the U, and are interested in somewhat similar things. She's even familiar with the professor who taught the Bioremediation class I took a year ago. The best part is the advice she gave: that even though my parents are pushing that I go to grad school, it's best now to figure out what I really want to do and do it. If going to grad school will make me happy and I have a burning desire to learn more about a certain field, that's the time to apply and get in. R. spent a few years working after getting her master's, and even then she waited tables after graduation. Once she figured out what she wanted to do, it was back to grad school and now she's happy to be back on campus.
It was really great to hear things from a new perspective. I admit I'm not entirely sure what to do after my current job runs out (ideas about teaching English in Japan become more and more enticing) and I know that I've been burning out as far as academics for the last year, easy.
R. also mentioned that she wished she had had someone to be a mentor when she was fresh out of her undergrad experience. I'm glad she feels the need to give back to someone who needs it. I must be sure to do the same for someone else down the road. Gifts like this don't come lightly.
So that's how I met a new friend today.
I walked home grinning. I thanked Whoever was/is watching out for me today, thought back to my earlier frustration at the first bus stop on the highway and said, "Fine, I'll shut up now!"
It's almost Thanksgiving, so I have a short week of classes and work, meaning that this time I would *not* skip out on Hydrology in favor of trying to get other things done, as has been the case so often this semester. (I'm looking at you, Biometeorology labs!)
For some reason, my boy and I woke up stupidly early and couldn't get back to sleep. There was also a radio playing somewhere in the house at that exact level where I could hear the song just enough to pay attention to it and stay awake. Unwillingly. So I woke up boy, we did something else for a while and then fell back into blessed slumber.
I was sure that catching the bus wouldn't be a problem. It generally isn't when the highway is so close and there are loads of buses going downtown.
Someone had something else in mind for me today.
Between two missed express buses (with much cursing) and a mechanical failure of the bus I did catch, I ended up walking towards the final bus stop on the way home with a blond lady who wore a light blue coat and a fluffy knitted pink hat. We ended up at the same bus stop, checked the time, and headed in to the local cafe for coffee to wait for the next one since this particular route runs every half-hour.
I tried a latte with flavored with white chocolate and almond today--I usually go for dark chocolate and roasty, caramely flavors. I think it suited today well.
R. and I ended up chatting once the bus finally came--she's a grad student at the U, working with bacteria that make oils and ester waxes, with a potential for biodiesel too. It sounds really interesting and seems to suit her biology and genetics background well.
What really got me was the rest of her story and how willing she seemed to help me out. I suppose we both go to the U, and are interested in somewhat similar things. She's even familiar with the professor who taught the Bioremediation class I took a year ago. The best part is the advice she gave: that even though my parents are pushing that I go to grad school, it's best now to figure out what I really want to do and do it. If going to grad school will make me happy and I have a burning desire to learn more about a certain field, that's the time to apply and get in. R. spent a few years working after getting her master's, and even then she waited tables after graduation. Once she figured out what she wanted to do, it was back to grad school and now she's happy to be back on campus.
It was really great to hear things from a new perspective. I admit I'm not entirely sure what to do after my current job runs out (ideas about teaching English in Japan become more and more enticing) and I know that I've been burning out as far as academics for the last year, easy.
R. also mentioned that she wished she had had someone to be a mentor when she was fresh out of her undergrad experience. I'm glad she feels the need to give back to someone who needs it. I must be sure to do the same for someone else down the road. Gifts like this don't come lightly.
So that's how I met a new friend today.
I walked home grinning. I thanked Whoever was/is watching out for me today, thought back to my earlier frustration at the first bus stop on the highway and said, "Fine, I'll shut up now!"
Monday, November 8, 2010
May I never lose my sense of wonder.
I think this is why I am Pagan.
If there's a way to blend Peter Pan
and Redwall
and wandering in that little stretch of pine woods out by the elementary school
and pretending I'm really a Native American with a real bow
and learning how to pet a cat nicely and feel her purr
and see the colors of sunset making everything glow and look new
seeing the Milky Way stretch out above you and feel that awe-full sense of perspective
curling up on a cold night, grateful for a hot dinner and plenty of blankets to keep the warmth in
seeing a flat expanse of snow under gray skies and trying so hard to remember midsummer's heat sinking into your bones and how fiercely green the world is then
knowing that someday, your matter--molecules and atoms--will be lost and recombined into something else. Some part of me was once a velociraptor.
I think this is why I am Pagan.
If there's a way to blend Peter Pan
and Redwall
and wandering in that little stretch of pine woods out by the elementary school
and pretending I'm really a Native American with a real bow
and learning how to pet a cat nicely and feel her purr
and see the colors of sunset making everything glow and look new
seeing the Milky Way stretch out above you and feel that awe-full sense of perspective
curling up on a cold night, grateful for a hot dinner and plenty of blankets to keep the warmth in
seeing a flat expanse of snow under gray skies and trying so hard to remember midsummer's heat sinking into your bones and how fiercely green the world is then
knowing that someday, your matter--molecules and atoms--will be lost and recombined into something else. Some part of me was once a velociraptor.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Eggs: dinner of champions
Well, I couldn't find my muffin tin, so there went my grand idea (borrowed from a blog post by Just Bento) of turning my delicious yet overflowing bowl of thick chicken soup into mini-pot-pies for packed lunches...
so I did this instead.
Huevos Rancheros
Base:
Oil
1 baked potato, cooled and chopped
half a green pepper, chopped
1/4 onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
Top:
Salsa
An egg or two
Water
Lemon juice
Grated cheddar
Fresh parsley
Hot sauce if desired
If you have a cast-iron pan, now is the time to use it. Nothing works better for browning potatoes--and using a nice, dry, baked potato really makes this the easy part.
Heat up a bit of oil in the pan and throw in the garlic. Let it sizzle for 30 seconds, and throw in the pepper and onion. Cook over high heat until things start to wilt, then remove and set aside. In your hot pan, add a little more oil and bring it back up to temperature. Add the potatoes and *don't touch them*. Like searing a steak, you want them to get nice and brown and they'll release from the pan on their own. Once they do, stir them around some and let their other sides brown too.
Add the pepper-onion mix back to the pan with the potatoes once your spuds are almost done. Lower the heat a bit and let things cook together while you do the eggs. Don't forget to stir.
In your little bitty saucepan, throw in some salsa. For this part, it's totally OK to cheat and use the cheap stuff since it'll get watered down anyway. Save your expensive locally-made organic kind (or even--gasp--homemade!) for topping the eggs just before serving.
Water down the salsa until it's about half as thick as it normally is and add a little lemon juice. Tomatoes are naturally acidic, but adding a little extra is good insurance when you're poaching eggs. There should be enough liquid in the pan to barely cover the egg(s).
Once this mix has begun to bubble fiercely, gently add your egg(s) and let them cook. Turn down the heat and let the sauce reduce when the eggs are just shy of done: poke the yolk with a spoon and see how much it gives. If the edges are starting to get firm, that's a good time to turn it down. Adding a lid while they simmer is optional.
Now comes the fun part. :)
Slide your beautifully browned potatoes onto your plate, platter, or bowl. Using a slotted spoon, fish out the egg(s) and place them on top. Scoop the big chunks out of your simmering liquid and throw that on the plate too; you can dump the water in the bottom, it'll just make for soggy spuds. Spoon some fresh salsa on top, hot sauce as you like, and sprinkle cheese and parsley with abandon. If you're patient enough to wait for the cheese to melt, you're a stronger soul than I.
Dig in.
so I did this instead.
Huevos Rancheros
Base:
Oil
1 baked potato, cooled and chopped
half a green pepper, chopped
1/4 onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
Top:
Salsa
An egg or two
Water
Lemon juice
Grated cheddar
Fresh parsley
Hot sauce if desired
If you have a cast-iron pan, now is the time to use it. Nothing works better for browning potatoes--and using a nice, dry, baked potato really makes this the easy part.
Heat up a bit of oil in the pan and throw in the garlic. Let it sizzle for 30 seconds, and throw in the pepper and onion. Cook over high heat until things start to wilt, then remove and set aside. In your hot pan, add a little more oil and bring it back up to temperature. Add the potatoes and *don't touch them*. Like searing a steak, you want them to get nice and brown and they'll release from the pan on their own. Once they do, stir them around some and let their other sides brown too.
Add the pepper-onion mix back to the pan with the potatoes once your spuds are almost done. Lower the heat a bit and let things cook together while you do the eggs. Don't forget to stir.
In your little bitty saucepan, throw in some salsa. For this part, it's totally OK to cheat and use the cheap stuff since it'll get watered down anyway. Save your expensive locally-made organic kind (or even--gasp--homemade!) for topping the eggs just before serving.
Water down the salsa until it's about half as thick as it normally is and add a little lemon juice. Tomatoes are naturally acidic, but adding a little extra is good insurance when you're poaching eggs. There should be enough liquid in the pan to barely cover the egg(s).
Once this mix has begun to bubble fiercely, gently add your egg(s) and let them cook. Turn down the heat and let the sauce reduce when the eggs are just shy of done: poke the yolk with a spoon and see how much it gives. If the edges are starting to get firm, that's a good time to turn it down. Adding a lid while they simmer is optional.
Now comes the fun part. :)
Slide your beautifully browned potatoes onto your plate, platter, or bowl. Using a slotted spoon, fish out the egg(s) and place them on top. Scoop the big chunks out of your simmering liquid and throw that on the plate too; you can dump the water in the bottom, it'll just make for soggy spuds. Spoon some fresh salsa on top, hot sauce as you like, and sprinkle cheese and parsley with abandon. If you're patient enough to wait for the cheese to melt, you're a stronger soul than I.
Dig in.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
different changes this time
Normally it takes me forever to get used to the bright long days and painfully slow warming that comes with Spring--this year, I was hoping August would never end. though with the warm, sunny weather lately, you'd think we were stuck in mid-September for weeks despite the leaves changing...
In any case, I think I've finally gotten over the fact that it's fall now. I'm an autumn baby, so normally the changing leaves and cooling weather feel like coming home to me. Not this year. I had a little hint of what the Wild Hunt feels like some days back, but it was brief. I guess it's just been too damn *nice* out to get into the whole doom-and-gloom mien that goes with Halloween and Samhain.
Part of me suspects this has something to do with how I really don't respect Odin all that much, though it may well be a grudge held over from my Christian upbringing; there I go overanalyzing things again. (But I don't, really. I mean, he figures very prominently in the Eddas, he's supposed to be all-wise but he's still a warmonger... I guess I should bite the bullet and just get to know Him, huh? Then at least my little bitch-list will have some backing with experience and not just book-learning.)
anyway.
I run around a lot, despite *still* not having a job. My boyfriend and I split the time between each others' places, and Wednesday is kind of my stay-at-home day, which Genki definitely appreciates. I feel really drained when I don't get enough time here, even though I haven't connected here as well as I did at my last apartment. It's still my place after all. It has my pets and my things and my bed and it's where I've set up my altar. (I am starting to feel more comfortable being Pagan in my guy's Jewish house--you can tell if you know how to look for it--but that's another post altogether.) So it's a day like this, where I'm procrastinating as usual on the homework due tomorrow, baking potatoes in the oven and enjoying the weather through open windows as I rearrange my blog layout again and finally feel like there's something worth writing about.
Golden sunlight reflecting back the gold and red of changing leaves, sunlight not sticking around as long as it used to a month ago, along with a feeling of real calm has I think helped it sink in.
sunlight.
Part of me wants to go back two or three months and find somewhere utterly private where I can soak up as much sunshine as my body can take, feel that heat all the way down in my bones soaking in and storing it up for the cold days. You know when the trees are in full leaf, and everything's so strongly green you can smell it? Goldenrod is just starting to bloom; the spring flowers are long gone, and coneflowers haven't yet faded into seedheads and become the local wildbird buffet. It's then that all the green ones are at the very height of their power.
Maybe aligning myself with the Vanir has brought be closer to the green world this way. Subtle changes in power, the waxing and waning of my soul (for lack of a better word) is now tied with leaf-spring and sunshine and rain and that incessant vitality of a plant in summer's full swing. I'll have to see what real cold brings, as there's older patterns that I've laid down earlier in my life that have been around longer and will probably kick in then.
In any case, I think I've finally gotten over the fact that it's fall now. I'm an autumn baby, so normally the changing leaves and cooling weather feel like coming home to me. Not this year. I had a little hint of what the Wild Hunt feels like some days back, but it was brief. I guess it's just been too damn *nice* out to get into the whole doom-and-gloom mien that goes with Halloween and Samhain.
Part of me suspects this has something to do with how I really don't respect Odin all that much, though it may well be a grudge held over from my Christian upbringing; there I go overanalyzing things again. (But I don't, really. I mean, he figures very prominently in the Eddas, he's supposed to be all-wise but he's still a warmonger... I guess I should bite the bullet and just get to know Him, huh? Then at least my little bitch-list will have some backing with experience and not just book-learning.)
anyway.
I run around a lot, despite *still* not having a job. My boyfriend and I split the time between each others' places, and Wednesday is kind of my stay-at-home day, which Genki definitely appreciates. I feel really drained when I don't get enough time here, even though I haven't connected here as well as I did at my last apartment. It's still my place after all. It has my pets and my things and my bed and it's where I've set up my altar. (I am starting to feel more comfortable being Pagan in my guy's Jewish house--you can tell if you know how to look for it--but that's another post altogether.) So it's a day like this, where I'm procrastinating as usual on the homework due tomorrow, baking potatoes in the oven and enjoying the weather through open windows as I rearrange my blog layout again and finally feel like there's something worth writing about.
Golden sunlight reflecting back the gold and red of changing leaves, sunlight not sticking around as long as it used to a month ago, along with a feeling of real calm has I think helped it sink in.
sunlight.
Part of me wants to go back two or three months and find somewhere utterly private where I can soak up as much sunshine as my body can take, feel that heat all the way down in my bones soaking in and storing it up for the cold days. You know when the trees are in full leaf, and everything's so strongly green you can smell it? Goldenrod is just starting to bloom; the spring flowers are long gone, and coneflowers haven't yet faded into seedheads and become the local wildbird buffet. It's then that all the green ones are at the very height of their power.
Maybe aligning myself with the Vanir has brought be closer to the green world this way. Subtle changes in power, the waxing and waning of my soul (for lack of a better word) is now tied with leaf-spring and sunshine and rain and that incessant vitality of a plant in summer's full swing. I'll have to see what real cold brings, as there's older patterns that I've laid down earlier in my life that have been around longer and will probably kick in then.
Monday, September 20, 2010
in the meantime...
Monday went rather well. I woke up relatively early (given my recently weird sleeping schedule), called in about a potential job and sent in my references, figured that I might as well do my full moon Esbat for this month early given my schedule.
I like how the ritual went. This time, I had a small hand-made broom to use (made of sticks and string found at my parent's house) as well as my yet unfinished wand.
I also made some tea and had a banana to use for the wine and cakes bit.
It is interesting to have some banana after having called on Frey, though... given that both He and His sister govern fertility. I giggled. ^^
Dressing up for ritual really does add a certain flair to it. Nothing fancy, but it helps to put on my "priestess" hat in a way. Using my own hand-made wand helped reinforce that too. Although it is unfinished in my view, it's still a perfectly serviceable tool. It really does help me channel the energy I visualize to make and undo the circle (and that right there shows how much of an armchair Pagan I've been lately. cough cough).
Looking back though, I'm hard-pressed to find anything that really make this ritual specifically a Full Moon one. From what I can see, it's fairly generic. It's a template, although a nicely written one, and I've already been adapting it to my needs. Evolution in action!
To balance out everything, my cat Genki then proceeded to knock my betta fish Richard to the floor. (I had put him in a little container with medicated water to help with a bit of fin rot.) Cat was tossed in the closet for a time-out, Richard carefully scooped up by hand and returned home, towel turned somewhat blue from the fish meds in the spilled water.
oh well. at least Richard seemed to get over the shock pretty quickly. Genki is *not* getting treated to a can of wet food this week! (I'm told that the occasional meal of wet food helps with a guy kitty's urinary tract, but really he really enjoys it so much I don't feel bad about giving him a can every other week or so.)
* * *
Tonight is Full Moon night, and what began as a fine fall morning turned gray and wet, in a lonesome, longing for soup kind of way.
I met my mom and grandma at the airport this afternoon, before the rain came. They had just returned from a trip to Germany, and other than a couple unfound bags, made it in time to the shuttle home. What really made it meaningful to me is that my family is very heavily German on both sides, so having female relatives on my mother's side going back there seemed like a return home of sorts. I did ask that the Disir already gone look after them, and they did make it back safe and sound. (Suppose I ought to have asked about looking after their belongings too! Ah well, the family luck can only run so far.)
And it wasn't just that they had gone to Germany, though. This really was a kind of family visit: the whole thing was organized by a relative, and Mom and Grandma met cousins! Well, two or three times removed, but still family--Grandma has a chart to show it. I can't wait to get a copy. It's amazing to think that there are people across the vastness of an ocean that I can call family.
Lately I've been thinking about what to do after graduating, and it seems a matter of course that I take the GRE and apply for grad schools. Part of me wants to go somewhere else, get away from what's familiar in another attempt to start fresh. Why is another story for another time; but I do love the family vacations to go down South and see my dad's side of the family. Daydreams recently center on heading to a warmer clime for school, and it's okay to go so far away cuz I have relatives there. If anything goes wrong, there's family I can rely on, and I'll be okay.
Granted, I have no idea how far something like that would extend to cousins a few times removed, but the thought is still intriguing. The world seems smaller, and there's a safety net for you if you look for it. Likewise, you can be someone else's help if they come to where you are. Sometimes things work out that way.
I like how the ritual went. This time, I had a small hand-made broom to use (made of sticks and string found at my parent's house) as well as my yet unfinished wand.
I also made some tea and had a banana to use for the wine and cakes bit.
It is interesting to have some banana after having called on Frey, though... given that both He and His sister govern fertility. I giggled. ^^
Dressing up for ritual really does add a certain flair to it. Nothing fancy, but it helps to put on my "priestess" hat in a way. Using my own hand-made wand helped reinforce that too. Although it is unfinished in my view, it's still a perfectly serviceable tool. It really does help me channel the energy I visualize to make and undo the circle (and that right there shows how much of an armchair Pagan I've been lately. cough cough).
Looking back though, I'm hard-pressed to find anything that really make this ritual specifically a Full Moon one. From what I can see, it's fairly generic. It's a template, although a nicely written one, and I've already been adapting it to my needs. Evolution in action!
To balance out everything, my cat Genki then proceeded to knock my betta fish Richard to the floor. (I had put him in a little container with medicated water to help with a bit of fin rot.) Cat was tossed in the closet for a time-out, Richard carefully scooped up by hand and returned home, towel turned somewhat blue from the fish meds in the spilled water.
oh well. at least Richard seemed to get over the shock pretty quickly. Genki is *not* getting treated to a can of wet food this week! (I'm told that the occasional meal of wet food helps with a guy kitty's urinary tract, but really he really enjoys it so much I don't feel bad about giving him a can every other week or so.)
* * *
Tonight is Full Moon night, and what began as a fine fall morning turned gray and wet, in a lonesome, longing for soup kind of way.
I met my mom and grandma at the airport this afternoon, before the rain came. They had just returned from a trip to Germany, and other than a couple unfound bags, made it in time to the shuttle home. What really made it meaningful to me is that my family is very heavily German on both sides, so having female relatives on my mother's side going back there seemed like a return home of sorts. I did ask that the Disir already gone look after them, and they did make it back safe and sound. (Suppose I ought to have asked about looking after their belongings too! Ah well, the family luck can only run so far.)
And it wasn't just that they had gone to Germany, though. This really was a kind of family visit: the whole thing was organized by a relative, and Mom and Grandma met cousins! Well, two or three times removed, but still family--Grandma has a chart to show it. I can't wait to get a copy. It's amazing to think that there are people across the vastness of an ocean that I can call family.
Lately I've been thinking about what to do after graduating, and it seems a matter of course that I take the GRE and apply for grad schools. Part of me wants to go somewhere else, get away from what's familiar in another attempt to start fresh. Why is another story for another time; but I do love the family vacations to go down South and see my dad's side of the family. Daydreams recently center on heading to a warmer clime for school, and it's okay to go so far away cuz I have relatives there. If anything goes wrong, there's family I can rely on, and I'll be okay.
Granted, I have no idea how far something like that would extend to cousins a few times removed, but the thought is still intriguing. The world seems smaller, and there's a safety net for you if you look for it. Likewise, you can be someone else's help if they come to where you are. Sometimes things work out that way.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Book Review on the way
Well, I picked up a new book the other day at my local Pagan shop. Although I was entranced as I gave it the cursory flip-through at the store, I now have several thoughts to organize into a proper review.
Boy, does it need one!
Boy, does it need one!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
My first Esbat
I remember telling a friend that I was going to start doing rituals with the changing phases of the moon, as lately I've been feeling disconnected with natural cycles of things and felt a need to get back on track.
Well, I did it, which in itself surprises me. I could have done one for the August new moon, but I didn't feel prepared for it and had no idea what kind of ritual I would do anyway. I ended up browsing some websites and found one at http://blessedbe.sugarbane.com/fullmoons.htm which offers some basic information on Wicca along with nice ritual formats.
The ritual itself wasn't anything terribly complex, and another reason I felt compelled to do one is that there would be a purpose for the energy raised. A friend of mine is crafting a leather case for my Tarot deck (it's the Robin Wood version, if you were curious), and so in return I'm making an alter paten/pentacle for her, woodburning the desired design into a pine disc. Since I just got all my materials together, and it's something for ritual use, I felt it proper to ask for some blessing so that this turns out well.
Thankfully this ritual had a list of materials needed; as I was at my parents' house at the time, I quietly gathered up what I could: a bit of red wine was easily available, and for cakes I used almonds; tied some dried grass seed-stalks together for a broom, found a small "wand" made of a fallen branch from the silver maple out back. Still not sure what I think about the matches not lighting though... three strike-anywhere kitchen matches that didn't light from anything, so I ended up holding the candles and charging them with energy rather than lighting them. I skipped having one candle per quarter because of that as well.
For north and earth, I had a dish of small stones collected from the playground of my elementary school back in the day. For east and air, a crow feather and a small narrow vase that held a stick of incense (not lit, unfortunately), while for south I just had a plate of candles from the Girl Scout camp my sister and I know and love. (Some were tea candles, some were hand-dipped in different colors.) For west and water, I placed a piece of white coral-stone I had brought back from Hawaii to remind me of the ocean.
Well, I did it, which in itself surprises me. I could have done one for the August new moon, but I didn't feel prepared for it and had no idea what kind of ritual I would do anyway. I ended up browsing some websites and found one at http://blessedbe.sugarbane.com/fullmoons.htm which offers some basic information on Wicca along with nice ritual formats.
The ritual itself wasn't anything terribly complex, and another reason I felt compelled to do one is that there would be a purpose for the energy raised. A friend of mine is crafting a leather case for my Tarot deck (it's the Robin Wood version, if you were curious), and so in return I'm making an alter paten/pentacle for her, woodburning the desired design into a pine disc. Since I just got all my materials together, and it's something for ritual use, I felt it proper to ask for some blessing so that this turns out well.
Thankfully this ritual had a list of materials needed; as I was at my parents' house at the time, I quietly gathered up what I could: a bit of red wine was easily available, and for cakes I used almonds; tied some dried grass seed-stalks together for a broom, found a small "wand" made of a fallen branch from the silver maple out back. Still not sure what I think about the matches not lighting though... three strike-anywhere kitchen matches that didn't light from anything, so I ended up holding the candles and charging them with energy rather than lighting them. I skipped having one candle per quarter because of that as well.
For north and earth, I had a dish of small stones collected from the playground of my elementary school back in the day. For east and air, a crow feather and a small narrow vase that held a stick of incense (not lit, unfortunately), while for south I just had a plate of candles from the Girl Scout camp my sister and I know and love. (Some were tea candles, some were hand-dipped in different colors.) For west and water, I placed a piece of white coral-stone I had brought back from Hawaii to remind me of the ocean.
When it came time to charge each of these quarters' items, the energies did feel different to me. Water was smooth, yielding, and gentle, Earth was very strong and firm, Fire needed coaxing as nothing was actually burning, and Air seemed neither here nor there, which makes sense I suppose.
When calling on the God and Goddess, I did think of them as Freyr and Freyja, and I think They approved.
or at least they didn't mind.
After casting the circle and calling quarters and raising energy, I then asked the Gods to guide my hand and bless the materials I'm using to craft the paten. It seemed fitting, and went along well with how the ritual format suggested thanking the Gods for something good and asking for guidance with a problem before ending the rite.
It was just as well that I held the ritual at midnight, though I would have liked to have done it outdoors: the night was clear and bright, and the moon's light was strong enough to read by. as it was, my parents were sound asleep and my cat only needed one squirt from my buddy the squirbottle in order to settle down halfway through.
All in all, I'm happy with how it went and how easy it was to put together even in a place where I didn't have access to all my various tools and toys. It was also a lovely way to reconnect with the moon's phases since I feel like I've been getting out of touch with moon-rhythms; the Big Eight are no problem since I celebrate those with my proto-grove, but this seems more personal. It feels like I'm supposed to do this myself, and all the success or lack that happens is entirely from my own effort.
It'll be interesting to see how the next ritual goes. I plan on doing one for the new moon, and banishing laziness will definitely be in order as the fall semester begins soon.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Finding a way
I've been reading many of the old posts that the Catskin Sisters have written, and it boggles my mind that what starts as simple meditations can turn into such journeys! I mean, it sounds like a fantasy story that you're living, right now, in your mind and in the Otherlands.
This is really exciting!
For the longest time (like many I'm sure) I have had trouble doing even a weekly meditation. Granted, I did do daily meditation for a while, but then life got in the way and I never established it as a habit. Now, it seems like sitting there for a few minutes thinking of nothing is kind of a waste of time. Yet as I read of the Sisters' journeys, I find I'm jealous. How do they do it? Why can't I go on Journeys too?
Despite my admittedly childish approach to it all, I believe I've found something that will help me to focus.
This website offers free downloadable guided meditations! Be warned: don't go around looking for some sketchy program that offers to convert your .ram files for you--just get RealPlayer if you don't already have it.
I started out with a short one, focusing on relaxation and a safe place. Although the image I chose to focus on was one of waterfalls and lush green growth, I ended up visualizing somewhere with a shallow creek with sand and rocks, and some prairie too. Looks like the safe place I need to be is closer to home than I thought.
I really hope I remember to do one of these meditations every week if not daily. I'm pushing myself to exercise on my own as well too, so maybe doing them together will help me to not forget doing one or the other.
Eventually I hope to find my fylgia, my fetch, a companion to Journey with in strange and wonderful places. Even that, I feel, would be a huge step in the right direction.
This is really exciting!
For the longest time (like many I'm sure) I have had trouble doing even a weekly meditation. Granted, I did do daily meditation for a while, but then life got in the way and I never established it as a habit. Now, it seems like sitting there for a few minutes thinking of nothing is kind of a waste of time. Yet as I read of the Sisters' journeys, I find I'm jealous. How do they do it? Why can't I go on Journeys too?
Despite my admittedly childish approach to it all, I believe I've found something that will help me to focus.
This website offers free downloadable guided meditations! Be warned: don't go around looking for some sketchy program that offers to convert your .ram files for you--just get RealPlayer if you don't already have it.
I started out with a short one, focusing on relaxation and a safe place. Although the image I chose to focus on was one of waterfalls and lush green growth, I ended up visualizing somewhere with a shallow creek with sand and rocks, and some prairie too. Looks like the safe place I need to be is closer to home than I thought.
I really hope I remember to do one of these meditations every week if not daily. I'm pushing myself to exercise on my own as well too, so maybe doing them together will help me to not forget doing one or the other.
Eventually I hope to find my fylgia, my fetch, a companion to Journey with in strange and wonderful places. Even that, I feel, would be a huge step in the right direction.
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