in the meantime...

Monday went rather well. I woke up relatively early (given my recently weird sleeping schedule), called in about a potential job and sent in my references, figured that I might as well do my full moon Esbat for this month early given my schedule.
I like how the ritual went. This time, I had a small hand-made broom to use (made of sticks and string found at my parent's house) as well as my yet unfinished wand.




I also made some tea and had a banana to use for the wine and cakes bit.
It is interesting to have some banana after having called on Frey, though... given that both He and His sister govern fertility. I giggled. ^^

Dressing up for ritual really does add a certain flair to it. Nothing fancy, but it helps to put on my "priestess" hat in a way. Using my own hand-made wand helped reinforce that too. Although it is unfinished in my view, it's still a perfectly serviceable tool. It really does help me channel the energy I visualize to make and undo the circle (and that right there shows how much of an armchair Pagan I've been lately. cough cough).

Looking back though, I'm hard-pressed to find anything that really make this ritual specifically a Full Moon one. From what I can see, it's fairly generic. It's a template, although a nicely written one, and I've already been adapting it to my needs. Evolution in action!

To balance out everything, my cat Genki then proceeded to knock my betta fish Richard to the floor. (I had put him in a little container with medicated water to help with a bit of fin rot.) Cat was tossed in the closet for a time-out, Richard carefully scooped up by hand and returned home, towel turned somewhat blue from the fish meds in the spilled water.
oh well. at least Richard seemed to get over the shock pretty quickly. Genki is *not* getting treated to a can of wet food this week! (I'm told that the occasional meal of wet food helps with a guy kitty's urinary tract, but really he really enjoys it so much I don't feel bad about giving him a can every other week or so.)

* * *

Tonight is Full Moon night, and what began as a fine fall morning turned gray and wet, in a lonesome, longing for soup kind of way.

I met my mom and grandma at the airport this afternoon, before the rain came. They had just returned from a trip to Germany, and other than a couple unfound bags, made it in time to the shuttle home. What really made it meaningful to me is that my family is very heavily German on both sides, so having female relatives on my mother's side going back there seemed like a return home of sorts. I did ask that the Disir already gone look after them, and they did make it back safe and sound. (Suppose I ought to have asked about looking after their belongings too! Ah well, the family luck can only run so far.)
And it wasn't just that they had gone to Germany, though. This really was a kind of family visit: the whole thing was organized by a relative, and Mom and Grandma met cousins! Well, two or three times removed, but still family--Grandma has a chart to show it. I can't wait to get a copy. It's amazing to think that there are people across the vastness of an ocean that I can call family.

Lately I've been thinking about what to do after graduating, and it seems a matter of course that I take the GRE and apply for grad schools. Part of me wants to go somewhere else, get away from what's familiar in another attempt to start fresh. Why is another story for another time; but I do love the family vacations to go down South and see my dad's side of the family. Daydreams recently center on heading to a warmer clime for school, and it's okay to go so far away cuz I have relatives there. If anything goes wrong, there's family I can rely on, and I'll be okay.

Granted, I have no idea how far something like that would extend to cousins a few times removed, but the thought is still intriguing. The world seems smaller, and there's a safety net for you if you look for it. Likewise, you can be someone else's help if they come to where you are. Sometimes things work out that way.

Book Review on the way

Well, I picked up a new book the other day at my local Pagan shop. Although I was entranced as I gave it the cursory flip-through at the store, I now have several thoughts to organize into a proper review.

Boy, does it need one!

My first Esbat

I remember telling a friend that I was going to start doing rituals with the changing phases of the moon, as lately I've been feeling disconnected with natural cycles of things and felt a need to get back on track.

Well, I did it, which in itself surprises me. I could have done one for the August new moon, but I didn't feel prepared for it and had no idea what kind of ritual I would do anyway. I ended up browsing some websites and found one at http://blessedbe.sugarbane.com/fullmoons.htm which offers some basic information on Wicca along with nice ritual formats.

The ritual itself wasn't anything terribly complex, and another reason I felt compelled to do one is that there would be a purpose for the energy raised. A friend of mine is crafting a leather case for my Tarot deck (it's the Robin Wood version, if you were curious), and so in return I'm making an alter paten/pentacle for her, woodburning the desired design into a pine disc. Since I just got all my materials together, and it's something for ritual use, I felt it proper to ask for some blessing so that this turns out well.

Thankfully this ritual had a list of materials needed; as I was at my parents' house at the time, I quietly gathered up what I could: a bit of red wine was easily available, and for cakes I used almonds; tied some dried grass seed-stalks together for a broom, found a small "wand" made of a fallen branch from the silver maple out back. Still not sure what I think about the matches not lighting though... three strike-anywhere kitchen matches that didn't light from anything, so I ended up holding the candles and charging them with energy rather than lighting them. I skipped having one candle per quarter because of that as well.

For north and earth, I had a dish of small stones collected from the playground of my elementary school back in the day. For east and air, a crow feather and a small narrow vase that held a stick of incense (not lit, unfortunately), while for south I just had a plate of candles from the Girl Scout camp my sister and I know and love. (Some were tea candles, some were hand-dipped in different colors.) For west and water, I placed a piece of white coral-stone I had brought back from Hawaii to remind me of the ocean.

When it came time to charge each of these quarters' items, the energies did feel different to me. Water was smooth, yielding, and gentle, Earth was very strong and firm, Fire needed coaxing as nothing was actually burning, and Air seemed neither here nor there, which makes sense I suppose.

When calling on the God and Goddess, I did think of them as Freyr and Freyja, and I think They approved.
or at least they didn't mind.

After casting the circle and calling quarters and raising energy, I then asked the Gods to guide my hand and bless the materials I'm using to craft the paten. It seemed fitting, and went along well with how the ritual format suggested thanking the Gods for something good and asking for guidance with a problem before ending the rite.

It was just as well that I held the ritual at midnight, though I would have liked to have done it outdoors: the night was clear and bright, and the moon's light was strong enough to read by. as it was, my parents were sound asleep and my cat only needed one squirt from my buddy the squirbottle in order to settle down halfway through.

All in all, I'm happy with how it went and how easy it was to put together even in a place where I didn't have access to all my various tools and toys. It was also a lovely way to reconnect with the moon's phases since I feel like I've been getting out of touch with moon-rhythms; the Big Eight are no problem since I celebrate those with my proto-grove, but this seems more personal. It feels like I'm supposed to do this myself, and all the success or lack that happens is entirely from my own effort.

It'll be interesting to see how the next ritual goes. I plan on doing one for the new moon, and banishing laziness will definitely be in order as the fall semester begins soon.

Finding a way

I've been reading many of the old posts that the Catskin Sisters have written, and it boggles my mind that what starts as simple meditations can turn into such journeys! I mean, it sounds like a fantasy story that you're living, right now, in your mind and in the Otherlands.

This is really exciting!

For the longest time (like many I'm sure) I have had trouble doing even a weekly meditation. Granted, I did do daily meditation for a while, but then life got in the way and I never established it as a habit. Now, it seems like sitting there for a few minutes thinking of nothing is kind of a waste of time. Yet as I read of the Sisters' journeys, I find I'm jealous. How do they do it? Why can't I go on Journeys too?

Despite my admittedly childish approach to it all, I believe I've found something that will help me to focus.

This website offers free downloadable guided meditations! Be warned: don't go around looking for some sketchy program that offers to convert your .ram files for you--just get RealPlayer if you don't already have it.

I started out with a short one, focusing on relaxation and a safe place. Although the image I chose to focus on was one of waterfalls and lush green growth, I ended up visualizing somewhere with a shallow creek with sand and rocks, and some prairie too. Looks like the safe place I need to be is closer to home than I thought.

I really hope I remember to do one of these meditations every week if not daily. I'm pushing myself to exercise on my own as well too, so maybe doing them together will help me to not forget doing one or the other.
Eventually I hope to find my fylgia, my fetch, a companion to Journey with in strange and wonderful places. Even that, I feel, would be a huge step in the right direction.

I've finally starting writing things down for the DP. Starting simple, with the holidays. I suppose I can do the altar planning one too, as I just rearranged it recently. Things around me tend to accumulate junk or random bits of stuff, and the altar is no exception. Bits of wax, pine needles, lots of acorns... now it boasts a pretty pottery candle-holder I found at Savers of all places.




On a more personal note;
it's strange how you can miss someone when two weeks ago you felt like you couldn't take much more of them.
My boyfriend is studying abroad for a month-long language intensive so he can be done with one major's requirements (he has two, which is a story in and of itself) and graduate a little sooner.

What happened now seems fairly obvious--nothing like some distance and time apart to put things in perspective, right?--that we spend the majority of our time with each other, and it was that which was slowly driving us nuts. All those little things that sneak their way under your skin were getting unbearable lately. We just couldn't leave each other alone. I ended up feeling criticized more than I felt was fair, we were both worn out from the long bus rides between our respective residences, and his jokes were just getting so old!

I was happy to see him to the airport, and the first week felt like a real vacation even though I was the one staying home.
Now...
well, his internet is rather limited, and half the time I don't know what to do with all my spare time (I've never been one to schedule my every minute as it is) so we end up thinking "shit. now what?"

or at least I do.

You look for one thing, and find another

Just read this post on The Ditzy Druid, and finally got around to giving Thor the stout I promised him for helping me out a few weeks ago.
Also having recently discovered this amazing blog written by some seidh-sisters here in the Midwest, I decided to get a little more of my spiritual act together and do some gorram meditating.
Lit candles, new stick of incense, offered the stout, and ended up donning the crow mask I had made a couple years ago for a quick Halloween costume to try my hand at spirit-walking.

I think I'm going about beginning the right way--or at least, a way that kind of works--by perching on the edge of my seat and assuming a bird-like pose while holding the sound of cawing crows in my mind. It was hard to picture things clearly, but I think I was able to hop around the branches of a tree a bit (no idea if it was the tree outside my apartment or some otherworldly Tree).

Suddenly a sound came through the open windows, and something in me knew enough to get alert.

Turns out a couple guys were knocking on the door. As my room is situated right above the front door and I happen to be house manager here, I was able to ask them out my window if they needed anything. Turns out they're college students looking for rooms to rent; I offered a house tour.

* * *

Well, I guess in lieu of spirit-work, it was back to convincing folk that our house is a good place to rent a room. 'Twas nice to meet those guys though. They seemed good folk, and it'll be good to have the house full up at last.

I think this means the Gods are happy enough with me for now. If anything, I'd say that was Thor's way of giving a pat on the back and saying, "well, it's all right. Now go do your stuff!"

Why yes, I do have a camera

It's not often that my thoughts turn to Frigga. It seems odd that I wouldn't have much to do with Odin's wife, given that I have some skill in housekeeping--I can bake bread and mop floors and can be fairly crafty with my hands when I feel it. Though I suppose some part of me equates her with simple housewifery, which I have long objected to; my daydreams were always of wild adventure, not sedately setting out the evening meal and then darning socks until bedtime.
I suppose if anyone had a connection to her, it would be my mother. She's a bit quiet, and seems very normal, but you should see her sewing room. Swatches of colored fabric hang on the walls, and totes of cloth (organized by color of course) have taken over half the basement! Even though Dad is the master chef of the household, Mom can still whip up a batch of bars or a cake like there's nothing to it. And of course she does her share (the lion's share in some cases) when it comes to keeping things clean--the cats run before her when she wields the vacuum.

But she's a lawyer too. This quiet little person went to college, studied hard, got mostly A's and B's, and then when right on into law school.
The story goes that when grandpa (my dad's dad) met my mother, he asked what she wanted to do with her life. She told him she was going to go to law school, and he laughed right there. Now, so many years later, she's been working for the state as an administrative law judge and no one thinks anything of it.
You go, Mom.

* * * *

Some years ago, Dad made a drop spindle in his workshop. It's a sweet thing, the weight is solid cherry and the handle a dowel. A simple bent nail is what catches the fibers and induces spin, creating yarn.


I've been sticking with plain, undyed wool roving for spinning, picking up a bag every so often when money or Mom allows. The yarn is rather thick, since this is my first batch and I'd rather keep the thickness relatively uniform. If I made or acquired a smaller spindle (or ever got enough of this to make into something), I know I can spin thinner stuff and that would be my next project.
*If you want to see some nice fine yarn, Grey Catsidhe at The Ditzy Druid posted a little while ago with her first spinning! It's a nice little batch, and I'm thankful I'm not the only person interested in something so odd and old-fashioned as spinning.


Someday, I do want to dye it. I even got a book on natural dyestuffs and how to use them for Yule a couple years ago, so I'm excited to see how the recipes will turn out! If only I knew what color to choose...


Any ideas of what to make homespun yarn into? I can knit and crochet, but I'm afraid I'll never make enough to actually knit anything more than, say, one mitten. I don't spin very often either... perhaps now I'll have more time for it.