Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On a lighter note, this makes me happy.



Tuesday, April 27, 2010

getting a bigger view of things

there's so much I should be doing.

I should be studying harder for finals. I should be working on my GIS projects and my hydrology paper. I should be meditating, and working on getting that into a daily practice. I should be jogging more often. I should be working harder to find a summer job. I should be spending more time with my pets. I should be spending more time with those few friends I seem to have nowadays. I should be switching into "responsible go-to person" mode.

all the "shoulds" rear their heads, and all I want to do is run away.
All my life, a part of me has felt that I don't need to be locked into human society and all the things I ought to do--I can just pack a few essential things and go live in the woods, wild and content.

Rather than having abstract problems like homework, finances, other people, or what to wear today to worry about, I'd spend all day tracking a deer with a crude bow or simple spear. It wouldn't matter what day it was--today is gathering day, cooking day, resting day, making clothes day. Preparing for winter would be work enough.

and yet.

Is it selfish to wish for such things? Wouldn't I run into other people eventually? Wouldn't I get lonely, need help, go nuts and hear voices in my head?
is it weakness to want escape? I am not brave, though I've dreamed plenty of being the hero, of coming to the rescue and saving the day.
i'm just lazy then. want all the rewards with little to no work.

I kind of feel like scum.
(this is not a revelation; only a reminder that comes to me sometimes and reminds me that all I do is dream.)

Monday, April 19, 2010

growing wings

months ago, one of the blackbelts at the dojo (with whom I get along very well) suggested that it would be a good goal if I could do twenty push-ups by March.

I'm a month late, but I finally did it.
(Of course, S. will tease me over the fact that they're not "real" push-ups--my nose does not touch the floor--but I can't do those yet without falling down anyway.)

Generally at the gym, I start out on a stair or striding machine for 25 minutes, and then sit-ups and push-ups before jogging/walking on the track for 10 minutes. Today was my return after a two-week hiatus; now that a huge bundle of stress is gone for the moment, I'm able to get back to my new routine for the semester.
As expected, I did more walking than running on the track today, but I found that rather than an easy jog I wanted to run. I wanted to feel that power of floating over the earth and feeling like I could do that forever.

My new goal is to build stamina so I can get that feeling. It's a smooth strength, a feeling of power in your limbs and effortless speed.

Next week: fifteen minutes on the track, even if I spend half of it walking.

I will fly.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Weekend Adventures

Well, if it weren't for that zoology exam on Friday morning, I would have gotten away with a 3 day weekend. Still, I'm not complaining about a 2.5 day one.

I originally thought that our second midterm for the lecture section of the class would be as surprisingly difficult as the first, but two things worked in my favor. Firstly, I found that reading the textbook for a couple hours before the exam is a great way to study, and secondly, that our professor had listened to our request for less fill-in-the-blank and more multiple-choice questions. (Because when your exam covers Phyla Annelida to Amphibia, that's a lot of body plans and body parts and functions to know for one exam!)

After that, I got to spend my day chilling at home with the pets. Genki does seem a bit calmer now that he's been snipped--the poor guy finally lost his guy-bits on Wednesday--except for when he pounced on S.'s feet last night.
I'm rather pleased with how the day went in terms of helping others though, which is a bit unusual for me. My little sister was having some relationship issues and then my friend J. wasn't feeling very good after a rotten week, so I was really happy that I had helped them feel better. Once I got home from the pet food run with J., I lit my main candle and asked the Kindreds to continue helping my friends and loved ones, and to give them strength when they needed it. I sent out some love and joy for them, and it felt really good.

I guess it's a good thing I decided to stay home this weekend. My hydrology field methods class has one required weekend field trip, and I had originally wanted to go on this weekend's trip to the North Shore, which would mean that my guy S. couldn't really make it to the antique show in my neck of the woods today. So after ruminating and getting all worked up--I had been looking forward to this trip all semester--I decided to just stay home this weekend and go on a lesser adventure next weekend.
Yet things seem to be turning out well. Last night I made a pound cake according to the recipe recently posted at "a yankee in a southern kitchen":
Even though our oven is very old and it's hard to tell exactly what temperature it's set to, the cake turned out beautifully. Moist and dense with an aroma of almonds; makes for a lovely weekend breakfast. (I also learned that it's ok to run out of butter, and use 16 T of butter-flavored shortening and 1 stick of butter!)

Today, we're heading out to the antique show and meeting a friend there too, with plans to hit up the local Italian restaurant for lunch. After dropping things off at my place, we'll then proceed to a yarn sale and I'm picking up some skeins for my mom, as she'd requested I do so and is providing a bit of cash for the trip. ^^

Which reminds me--yesterday with J., we saw some garage sales and couldn't resist checking them out. We didn't find much at the first one, but the second yielded some excellent finds: she got a bike for $10! and I found a ready-to-knit blanket kit, with all the yarn and instructions. I think it'll make a nice baby blanket for someone someday, with soft acrylic yarn in pleasant pastels. And we did manage to fit the bike into the backseat of J.'s car, but only after I took off the front wheel. *So very glad* I left the small wrenches in my purse from taking my bike apart and bringing it up here from home! :)

And then it will be Sunday, and I won't have to clean out the gerbil cage 'cause I already did it yesterday! And then I can sit down to a nice ham sandwich for lunch, and thank the Gods for my weird, wonderful life.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

way up in the atmosphere

Spring is always a weird time of year for me. This spring isn't too bad so far, but I know the end of the semester is going to be really tough. Two tests this week, two next week, and an 8 page paper and take-home final exam to finish by the time May starts. Then I have three more final exams, each spaced a day apart.
I'm just incredibly grateful for the reward at the end: our Protogrove is holding Beltane a bit late this year, and we're scheduled to celebrate after all my tests are over and done. And we're planning on going to a park for the ritual too! I can't wait, Beltane is one of my favorite holidays ^^ Hail Freyja!

In other news, my atmosphere class is finally getting to the interesting stuff--storms. We had our first spring rain a few days ago, complete with the rumble of thunder. I can feel the weather turn, and it's not hard to see how the wind changes, clouds move in, and you can feel the moisture in the air. Having the scientific "why" behind all these weather changes is nice. I like the more complete understanding, however basic the class may be.
Turns out that warm fronts and cold fronts both bring rain, but they do so differently: a cold front is a mass of colder, drier air moving in with a snub-nosed shape to replace warm, wet air. When they get together, sudden storms and heavy rain can appear. On the other hand, a warm front is warm, wet air in a long sloping wedge coming in to replace cooler air. This creates lower clouds which can take all day to form, and brings the long, soaking rains.
Then my mind turns to the Gods, and how both Thor and Freyr are said to be patrons of good weather, despite Thor's reputation as a storm-god. So of course I've been associating Thor with cold fronts and Freyr with warm fronts! Call me odd, but it makes sense.

I like to think that Freyr has a hand in weather that people like: warm, sunny days, gentle rains that help crops grow, and quiet, starry nights. Thor is said to be a friend to all the common folk, including farmers, so I can see how He can be seen to bring good weather as well. Given His hammer and temper, though, I'd think that His hand isn't quite so gentle when it comes to shaping winds and clouds ;) Though the cool, clear skies after a storm are certainly welcome in the heat of summer.

Just don't ask me about occluded fronts. I still haven't quite gotten those figured out yet.


So as I finish this post, I find that the dark clouds which appeared earlier this morning have dumped rain on us during the course of class. Now, cool air shows puddles and the lightest drizzle falls--spring is getting the jump-start it needs now. Rain to fuel the plants, to bring the awakening of Nerthus and all the world's greening.

Can't wait for summer.