In short, change is difficult.
Then again, I'm at a bit of a crux; winter break is ending and a new semester at college beginning, so I'll be busy finding textbooks, going to class, and re-organizing my schedule to handle new classes, different work hours, what I'm even doing at my job, dojo, and somehow find time to still hang with friends and not turn into a hermit :P
I guess I just have to take things as they come.
Granted, this is usually how I run and it's served me well. I like having rather flexible plans, since it means if one thing doesn't work out my day is not ruined (see post title lol). The downside is that I tend to let some things slide, especially if I'm trying to start a new habit. I read somewhere that it takes a month for a given behavior to become a fixed habit, but I still have trouble adding something like doing so many sit-ups to my schedule so that I do them automatically. It takes a lot of prodding from others for me to remember and then do it... and somehow I keep relating this to the rune nauthiz.
As a (generally) Norse/Germanic-centered Pagan, I've found that studying the Elder Futhark has been both fun and informative. (however, like my Tarot deck, I turn to them when I really need guidance and/or answers to existential questions. Read that as "not often".) It's interesting to see how the runes apply to my life. In this case, nauthiz or "need-fire" seems to manifest in my ability or lack thereof to be a self-starter on whatever projects need done.
Nauthiz, the "n" rune, represents the fire within us that burns when we most need its power and is often likened to the bow-drill method of starting fire; all the friction generating heat and the life-giving flame when we most need fire to survive.
In my case, I tend to be most energetic and efficient when something absolutely needs to happen (otherwise I don't work at my full potential). For instance, when there's an emergency I'm up and at the ready and I feel like I'm doing something worth every second of my time and energy. in other cases, I procrastinate, take things easy and work at my own pace.
Maybe this means I should be a firefighter or something... in some kind of position where my help is needed and they need it now. It's how I feel most useful, I guess. Plus I admit that getting to be the hero for once gives a great boost to my self-esteem and ego.
Which reminds me...
When I was very young, there was this boy living next door that I would sometimes play with. I liked going to his backyard, since it was much larger than ours and had a big trampoline too. Well, B. was a couple years older than I, and once when we were playing he was bouncing all over the backyard fighting imaginary monsters and "saving" me, the princess. After a while I got bored sitting around and felt that it wasn't fair for me to just sit around while he did all the fun stuff. I then walked up to him, told him so and asked why I couldn't save him sometimes too.
He said it was his rules and if I wasn't going to play by his rules then we wouldn't be friends anymore.
I said fine, and left.
We didn't play again after that, and I haven't heard much of him since.
So I guess the point of all this is that yes, I'm contrary, and I like to think I'm good in a pinch. Hopefully I'll actually be able to start doing things like meditating and sit-ups more regularly this semester and still keep my grades up. Balance will be good.