Outdoor frame of mind

Preamble: Banner photo found at www.sxc.hu, a wonderful site for free photographs with Creative Commons licenses.

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Our Protogrove celebrated Beltane a bit late this year, though it really worked out well for everyone involved. It was especially good on my end, as I was able to make it to the annual May Day Parade here in the Cities and then celebrate with the group after final exams had ended.

The parade was wonderful, as usual: this is only my second year attending, and I even got swept up by the end of it! A puppet theater runs the main show, and then after the "official" parade is done other groups can have their go at entertaining and informing the crowds. It was a lot of fun to put on a silly mask and march down the way for a while.
Sunshine came and went, large clouds blown with a fair breeze patterned the ground with cool shade as we watched the colorful beings wander along. This being the Chinese year of the Tiger, there were a good many paper-mache tiger helms and claws on eager kids and adults alike. We growled and roared and breathed along with the grain-bearers, sea creatures, and even a polar bear ambling by.

Afterwards, we gathered in the park and wandered past food vendors and group stands. The pagan community is rather well-represented at the parade, with holistic healers, local pagan groups, and other folks all coming in to stand at a booth and rub shoulders with all manner of folk.

The ceremony started a little later. Woods, Plains, Sky, and River all came to greet us, their heads towering over ours and hands spread wide to enfold the people as we watched. This year's theme was breaking free of all those bonds we have in life: debts, worries, doubts, all those things that weigh us down and can break our spirit. The symbolic death and resurrection was followed by the sun's journey across the lake, and our roars of triumph at its return to our lives.

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Just this last Sunday, we got together for Beltane with my Protogrove. Again, we couldn't have asked for a nicer day to hold it outside--sunshine, new folks, and the usual amazing potluck spread made for a very relaxing afternoon.

And it was when I sat out in the sunshine and looked across the farm fields that I realized just how weird I'd been lately. Weird here is defined as getting so caught up in material wants: new purse, new shoes, drooling over things I could never afford and would probably only use or wear a few times in the summer anyway. Now seriously, I've been spending hours browsing for stuff online, and it's been eating away at my sanity well before final exams were over.

Yet once I get outside--in the car on the way even--it all melted away. That self-imposed burden of "I need that stuff or I will not be happy" was replaced with sunshine, a gentle breeze, and a calm and clear mindset I had not known for too long.

What was going on?

I knew that my newfound obsession with fashion was getting unhealthy, yet somehow I wasn't able to turn away. It got in the way of my studies, free time, and sleep... well, I was very stressed about my final exams, and the internet does offer an easy escape from textbooks and practice tests.

An escape, but no cure.

Going to ritual with everyone--going outside, and being out there away from the city--cleared my mind and calmed me like nothing else did. It reminded me why I had been drawn towards the Pagan path in the first place.

* * *

As a young girl, I remember that our old house was a pale butter yellow; small, but large enough for a family. We were lucky enough to have some wonderful trees on our corner lot: a towering spruce to one side, and two large crabapples which bloomed a deep pink every spring. I remember laying beneath one of them on the grass, just looking at the world around me.

One day my parents decided that I was old enough to go to church with them. I got ready to go to wherever this was, and before we left Dad showed me a magazine lying on the couch. The cover had a dark background with big bold words that he wanted me to read. Now, I've always been good at English, but then I was young enough to just pick out simple words (and even now I sometimes get dyslexic). He pointed at a word, and I said "dog". Dad said, "No, try again" and I said "dog", sure that I was right.
Exasperated Dad then told me "no, it says God. Come on, we're going to church."


and no matter how they tried to teach me that the dogma was right and I had to have faith, I always thought it was weird to sing inside that big dark building. How could God hear through the roof?

Oishii ne!

More bacony goodness! :D

This time we're making okonomiyaki, which is a Japanese dish made with shredded cabbage and batter. It's often compared to a pancake or pizza, since you can top it with just about anything and the name means "as you like it".



(Image from Wikipedia)

I first learned about this when I took Japanese in high school--we were very lucky to get something that wasn't Spanish, French, or German to learn--and Nagai-Sensei made sure that we learned all about Japanese culture in addition to grammar, vocabulary, and kanji.

Although I have not yet traveled to Japan, I'm lucky enough to have friends who have been there and know what kinds of ingredients to use. For example, my friend J. pointed out the "right" kind of sauce to get at United Noodle. This is about the largest and most well-stocked Asian food store in the Twin Cities area, so if you haven't been there yet, go check it out. (If you know the area, it's right by the Franklin neighborhood.) Even if you don't know what kinds of groceries to stock up on, you can also grab lunch there which is entirely worth it. You can get soups, donburi (rice-bowls topped with various goodies), and a host of other freshly-made and authentic dishes that won't break your wallet like an expensive specialty restaurant would.

And if nothing else, grab a package of frozen pork buns. One or two can be microwaved or steamed for a great quick lunch at home, work, or school and everyone comments on how good they smell! ;)

Okonomiyaki--my version
Please note that I go by feel on this... so feel free to change amounts so that it works for you. These are approximate amounts!

1 egg
1 cup Flour
Water or broth as needed
1 TB corn starch
1 cup finely shredded cabbage
Bit of thinly sliced onion (optional)

Toppings (up to you, but suggested):
Chopped green onion
Sliced mushrooms--button, portobello, or shiitake all work well
1-2 slices raw bacon or meat of choice
Little shrimps, raw or cooked
Okonomiyaki sauce (Otafuku brand if you can find it, recipe below if not)
Nori (sushi seaweed), finely sliced/shredded/chiffonade
Japanese-style mayo (trust me, "recipe" below)


Heat fry pan to medium-low heat.
Break egg into a bowl and whisk a bit with a fork. Dump in some of the flour and stir until egg is incorporated. Add cornstarch and some water or broth, whisk again. Keep adding flour until you have about 1/2 cup batter. Should be about cake-batter consistency.
Add shredded cabbage and stir. If you want a smaller one, use less cabbage and batter. Otherwise, add more flour and water/broth until there's enough batter to cover the cabbage with some left over to hold everything together. Add thinly sliced onion and stir in if desired.
Pour cabbage mixture into heated pan and spread out with a spatula. A thinner 'cake' will cook faster, but it should still be soft in the middle when done--about 3/4 in. is good.
As first side cooks, top 'cake' with sliced toppings: mushrooms, onion, meat, shrimps, or what have you. Flip when bottom is golden brown, about 5 minutes. Cook until meat is done and batter is set, another 3 to 5 minutes. It's ok if the middle is soft--this isn't a crispy dish.

Transfer to plate, and top with sauce, mayo, and nori if desired. Keep extra sauce handy and enjoy.

Okonomiyaki sauce recipe

Japanese style mayo:
you only need a little for one serving, the rest can be refrigerated for later.
2 big tablespoons regular American mayo (not Miracle Whip! It's different!)
White sugar
Rice vinegar or apple cider vinegar

Add sugar and vinegar to mayo so that it's sweeter and tangier, kind of like coleslaw dressing. It will get thinner, and that's ok.


And if you're vegetarian or have other dietary restrictions, feel free to change up the toppings. I don't know how this would work with gluten-free flours, so let me know how that works! ^^

catching up

Obligatory sentence about how finals are stressful and busy and I'm up to my eyeballs in studying for exams... oh and I don't want to ever hear the word "salinization" again for about the next forty years.

Moving on.


I have had a small epiphany today:
Bacon is proof the Vanir love us and want us to be happy.

The original Ben Franklin quote (or attributed to him) reads 'Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy'. I have also seen its corollary 'Chocolate is proof Goddess loves us and wants us to be happy'.

Therefore, as I made a delicious spin on a BLT for lunch today, I thought of how our dear friend the pig is descent of wild boars, which are sacred animals to Frey, Freyja, and probably Nerthus too. If we're eating a sacred animal, why else would it taste so good except that They wanted us to enjoy it?
(and yes, I always say 'thank you' to those creatures that died for my meal!)

BLT Variation with flatbread

2 slices bacon
bit of thinly sliced onion
a couple sliced mushrooms
some spinach
fresh snow peas
one flatbread or pita, sliced in half

If you have a cast-iron pan, now is the time to use it. In any case, set the pan over low heat and cook the bacon strips, pouring out the extra grease as you do. Cook however long you like (I like my bacon still chewy, can't handle the really crispy kind) and set aside on a paper towel.
In the still-warm pan, add the onion and mushrooms and cook slowly until golden and softened.
Assemble sandwich: one half of flatbread, spinach, bacon slices, cooked onions and mushrooms, and some snow peas for crunch. Top with other piece of flatbread.
Transfer sandwich to pan and warm over low heat for a minute or two per side to warm the sandwich through and give the bread a little color. Putting a small lid on the sandwich as you do this helps it stay together.
Enjoy with more snow peas on the side.

And for goodness' sake, please use real bacon. Anything as thin as a piece of paper or made out of turkey is meant to be crumbled over a baked potato and that's it.

Add cheese if you like. I thought that with cooking everything in bacon grease, my lunch would be rich enough. Though having all those snow peas--fresh, green, crunchy, and very flavorful--balanced out the bacon nicely.

On a lighter note, this makes me happy.

link

^-^

getting a bigger view of things

there's so much I should be doing.

I should be studying harder for finals. I should be working on my GIS projects and my hydrology paper. I should be meditating, and working on getting that into a daily practice. I should be jogging more often. I should be working harder to find a summer job. I should be spending more time with my pets. I should be spending more time with those few friends I seem to have nowadays. I should be switching into "responsible go-to person" mode.

all the "shoulds" rear their heads, and all I want to do is run away.
All my life, a part of me has felt that I don't need to be locked into human society and all the things I ought to do--I can just pack a few essential things and go live in the woods, wild and content.

Rather than having abstract problems like homework, finances, other people, or what to wear today to worry about, I'd spend all day tracking a deer with a crude bow or simple spear. It wouldn't matter what day it was--today is gathering day, cooking day, resting day, making clothes day. Preparing for winter would be work enough.

and yet.

Is it selfish to wish for such things? Wouldn't I run into other people eventually? Wouldn't I get lonely, need help, go nuts and hear voices in my head?
is it weakness to want escape? I am not brave, though I've dreamed plenty of being the hero, of coming to the rescue and saving the day.
i'm just lazy then. want all the rewards with little to no work.

I kind of feel like scum.
(this is not a revelation; only a reminder that comes to me sometimes and reminds me that all I do is dream.)

growing wings

months ago, one of the blackbelts at the dojo (with whom I get along very well) suggested that it would be a good goal if I could do twenty push-ups by March.

I'm a month late, but I finally did it.
(Of course, S. will tease me over the fact that they're not "real" push-ups--my nose does not touch the floor--but I can't do those yet without falling down anyway.)

Generally at the gym, I start out on a stair or striding machine for 25 minutes, and then sit-ups and push-ups before jogging/walking on the track for 10 minutes. Today was my return after a two-week hiatus; now that a huge bundle of stress is gone for the moment, I'm able to get back to my new routine for the semester.
As expected, I did more walking than running on the track today, but I found that rather than an easy jog I wanted to run. I wanted to feel that power of floating over the earth and feeling like I could do that forever.

My new goal is to build stamina so I can get that feeling. It's a smooth strength, a feeling of power in your limbs and effortless speed.

Next week: fifteen minutes on the track, even if I spend half of it walking.

I will fly.

Weekend Adventures

Well, if it weren't for that zoology exam on Friday morning, I would have gotten away with a 3 day weekend. Still, I'm not complaining about a 2.5 day one.

I originally thought that our second midterm for the lecture section of the class would be as surprisingly difficult as the first, but two things worked in my favor. Firstly, I found that reading the textbook for a couple hours before the exam is a great way to study, and secondly, that our professor had listened to our request for less fill-in-the-blank and more multiple-choice questions. (Because when your exam covers Phyla Annelida to Amphibia, that's a lot of body plans and body parts and functions to know for one exam!)

After that, I got to spend my day chilling at home with the pets. Genki does seem a bit calmer now that he's been snipped--the poor guy finally lost his guy-bits on Wednesday--except for when he pounced on S.'s feet last night.
I'm rather pleased with how the day went in terms of helping others though, which is a bit unusual for me. My little sister was having some relationship issues and then my friend J. wasn't feeling very good after a rotten week, so I was really happy that I had helped them feel better. Once I got home from the pet food run with J., I lit my main candle and asked the Kindreds to continue helping my friends and loved ones, and to give them strength when they needed it. I sent out some love and joy for them, and it felt really good.

I guess it's a good thing I decided to stay home this weekend. My hydrology field methods class has one required weekend field trip, and I had originally wanted to go on this weekend's trip to the North Shore, which would mean that my guy S. couldn't really make it to the antique show in my neck of the woods today. So after ruminating and getting all worked up--I had been looking forward to this trip all semester--I decided to just stay home this weekend and go on a lesser adventure next weekend.
Yet things seem to be turning out well. Last night I made a pound cake according to the recipe recently posted at "a yankee in a southern kitchen": http://ayankeeinasouthernkitchen.com/
Even though our oven is very old and it's hard to tell exactly what temperature it's set to, the cake turned out beautifully. Moist and dense with an aroma of almonds; makes for a lovely weekend breakfast. (I also learned that it's ok to run out of butter, and use 16 T of butter-flavored shortening and 1 stick of butter!)

Today, we're heading out to the antique show and meeting a friend there too, with plans to hit up the local Italian restaurant for lunch. After dropping things off at my place, we'll then proceed to a yarn sale and I'm picking up some skeins for my mom, as she'd requested I do so and is providing a bit of cash for the trip. ^^

Which reminds me--yesterday with J., we saw some garage sales and couldn't resist checking them out. We didn't find much at the first one, but the second yielded some excellent finds: she got a bike for $10! and I found a ready-to-knit blanket kit, with all the yarn and instructions. I think it'll make a nice baby blanket for someone someday, with soft acrylic yarn in pleasant pastels. And we did manage to fit the bike into the backseat of J.'s car, but only after I took off the front wheel. *So very glad* I left the small wrenches in my purse from taking my bike apart and bringing it up here from home! :)

And then it will be Sunday, and I won't have to clean out the gerbil cage 'cause I already did it yesterday! And then I can sit down to a nice ham sandwich for lunch, and thank the Gods for my weird, wonderful life.